The Wizard and Me

So, that happened

I have been silent for some time, as I was trying to navigate the perilous waters of our new hobby scene. I don’t really want to reiterate on the events, it was a wild ride. We collectively remembered that the Wizard that has bought the skin of our hobby is actually more kin to the Hoarding Dragon that gives it its name. The community was louder than normal, and many were able to look beyond their overpriced books and realize that our hobby has never been this diverse and widespread. 

Others rallied under the flag of new giants, companies that were born out of the Main Game, and that finally had an occasion to say something about the game that fed them. I am particularly interested in MCDM’s Tactical RPG and Kobold Press’s Black Flag, and fell in love with the presentation of Shadowdark. I think this day was long overdue, the Wizard, like the villains of our stories, created the very weapon that will bring its downfall by acting upon its worst instincts. At the end of this whole debacle I think we grew stronger as a community. It was a cataclysmic event that revealed a whole new world of uncharted lands to be explored.

And then there’s me: a shy creator that had to have a life crisis to start publishing silly fantasy weapons on the web. I stopped posting, as I have often done in the past, but most importantly I stopped believing my ideas in the ttrpg space mattered. Well, that sucks and was pretty over dramatic of me, but the good news is that I am here to ramble a bit and process all of this. I hope my words will find another lost creator one day and inspire them.

Did We Ever Need the Wizard?

One of the articles I was planning to bring to Skull Azure was all about my dislike of centralized authority in our hobby. Do we really care what the Wizard says? I’m sure many of you like the worlds it has conjured (and bought) but did those fantastical places ever belong to a company? The great part about sharing stories around a table is that, unlike other fun activities, like playing co-op video games, there’s no doubt that what you’re doing belongs to the people participating in it. We are the actors, producers and directors, we are the writers, designers and players. 

No matter if you’re using the big DND, your indie sweetheart or an old classic. The game is yours and yours to share with the people you love. It is not a board game, where you all share a cool competitive experience, it is self expression, it’s art.

The Skull’s Trove has always been filled with design ideas for you and your table, not for any one system of play. They are meant to inspire and be tinkered with. That’s what this hobby does to us: it makes us dream of adventures so magical we want to share them with the world. That’s what Skull Azure is about.

My Own Evil Wizard

I never planned to get very personal on this blog. I mean, I don’t think I have yet grown an audience interested in my weird views, and I don’t know if I will. It has taken me a lot of time, mental and emotional work and actual discoveries about myself to know this one thing: I am compelled to do this, to share these visions of worlds far away. I am not satisfied with enjoying the amazing art and ideas many put out. They inspire me and, out of nothing but love, make me crave to give something back.

So while the ttrpg world was struggling against the Wizard, I was facing my own villain. It suggested that my ideas didn’t matter, or that they didn’t matter enough. That I had to achieve perfection and a huge audience in a small time. That this is about succeeding, living off of it and the only way to reach satisfaction. To be real, my own Evil Wizard is still there. I can still hear it, mocking me for trying to make art in a world where machines are getting better at what I love than I could ever become. That we don’t need a person who never really tried, because the ones who do still can’t find the success they deserve and afford a comfortable life. Some days the Wizard is loud and I stand still, looking out of the window to the many lives I will never manifest.

There are many good points that my Wizard makes, I think it is there for a reason, but its true purpose has been forgotten. No matter how many facts I hear it shout day after day, it doesn’t make me want to create less. It doesn’t stop me from thinking about Dragons and Swords, Drama and Dice. So I think the answer is just to stop listening to Wizards that tell us what we should do and just do as we are compelled. I want to embrace eventual Failure, I want to keep screaming into the void and fight a lost battle. I don’t really know what tomorrow holds, but I surely know, now at least, that I will not regret having tried.

If you have come this far, whatever your calling is, let me tell you, not from a point of success, but to your side, fighting a parallel battle, that one thing is true: 

Today your ideas are worth it.

Death May Die

So what about this blog? Are all of these epic statements leading to something? Are you crying Skull?

I am going to post again, and I am going to keep trying. That’s all I’m on the hook for.

There are many exciting projects that I want to pursue and I hope this blog post is the start of a ton of new online content by yours truly.

Six (6!) new items are already planned for the Trove, as well as a nice bonus for the Atlas. I am striving to become fluent in this anglo-saxon language the world seems to have adopted and I hope this blog will be part of that.

I am also taking a shot at one of those things I always wanted to do, but never thought I could: write Fiction. I hope to drop a couple of short stories here on the blog while my mind tries to contain my need to write a cute novel.

The focus will be on Instagram as the main social media linked with the content of the site. I saw a nice community of creators on there and I hope to become a better part of it! Twitter has been hit by the events and I don’t know what a Mastodon is yet, we’ll see!
I want to come back on Twitch in some way! As soon as my daily schedule stabilises I hope to find the will to just hang online and maybe visit some of the games that really inspire me ( The Darkest Dungeon Board Game has been staring at me violently recently).

And finally how could I come out of all of this without the same epic conclusion a lot of creators had: I am making my own rpg! For now it is just an excuse to have another gaming night during the week as a ‘playtest session’, but as things become more concrete this blog will be the main stage. (Spoiler: ENVISION your own worlds).

If you have come this far, (wow, thanks!) and want to know what will be of Skull Azure be sure to follow Skull Azure on Instagram or drop your email here on the blog (no spam, only articles, seriously).

All of that said, it feels good to be back writing. When I launched this blog I wrote this motto:

In a land lost in the ages, the Blue Skull lies on a Black Throne, its gaze over a dying world. One day, through our stories, even Death may die.

Apart from the lovecraftian lore implications, I still believe this is true. If you got something out of this post let me know, or don’t, I’m just a floating skull. But remember: no one can tell you what matters to you, not the big Wizard in the tower, not even the one sitting on your shoulder. Make art, keep dreaming and sharing stories. Only this way, one day, even Death may die.